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literature
Lies.
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Literature Text
Her skin was so tight and crisp and with my touch it seemed like it melted away.
It was the color of caramel.
On her breasts there were goosebumps, as i brush my hand against it.
Her smell filled my nostrils and over took my senses.
She was there sitting in front of me. Begging me to eat her.
I must have her.
I undressed her hungrily, biting her, savoring her.
For i have waited to long for my princess.
With a tug, here there, her meat slipped away from her bone as she gave in to my lust.
"MICHAEL are you done with your fried chicken?!
Uh... Yes ma!"
And like that he left her naked and alone.
It was the color of caramel.
On her breasts there were goosebumps, as i brush my hand against it.
Her smell filled my nostrils and over took my senses.
She was there sitting in front of me. Begging me to eat her.
I must have her.
I undressed her hungrily, biting her, savoring her.
For i have waited to long for my princess.
With a tug, here there, her meat slipped away from her bone as she gave in to my lust.
"MICHAEL are you done with your fried chicken?!
Uh... Yes ma!"
And like that he left her naked and alone.
Um. Yes Fried chicken. thats all I have to say about this piece. I never meant to write this, In any way, shape or form. But you know. Not so sexy eh? 
So yea, critiques! Do that.
Written for them:[link]
critqued!:[link]
CRITQUE:
- Was the piece easy to follow?
- I put effort into proper phrasing and was trying to use effective words to portray something else. Did it work? Did it not?
- Did you like the twist?
- Was there a way I could have made more effective descriptions?
- Was the piece to short?
- Should I have said more to describe the chickens loneliness?
Yes, weird question, but that happens when you write about chicken.
Ahah, I'm vegetarian too, If you were just wondering.
So yea, critiques! Do that.Written for them:[link]
critqued!:[link]
CRITQUE:
- Was the piece easy to follow?
- I put effort into proper phrasing and was trying to use effective words to portray something else. Did it work? Did it not?
- Did you like the twist?
- Was there a way I could have made more effective descriptions?
- Was the piece to short?
- Should I have said more to describe the chickens loneliness?
Yes, weird question, but that happens when you write about chicken.
Ahah, I'm vegetarian too, If you were just wondering.
© 2013 - 2024 talkin-silence
Comments12
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This piece had a very entertainingly unexpected ending! To answer your questions, it was easy to follow. Your phrasing was very ambiguous and it definitely worked; I went back to reread after the twist became clear! As for more effective descriptions, if you could include a little more while still holding the mystery, it might not be a bad idea. Perhaps bring the setting into it? It could make it even more humorous if you mentioned a time limit for one reason or another; it'd sound scandalous at first and then even more entertaining after the twist. The length was fine, but I do recommend going back to take a look at the grammar. You used largely formal grammar, so it'd be good to capitalize all of your Is, including the ones in the middle of your sentences. Also, check your dialogue; use quotation marks to show the different speakers. You should also add a comma after "Michael" and then another after "yes" in his response.
As for your last question, I feel like it was better not to go into the chicken's loneliness too much; it's probably best not to humanize it more after the twist is revealed.
All in all, good job! Keep up the good work!
! This piece had a very entertainingly unexpected ending! To answer your questions, it was easy to follow. Your phrasing was very ambiguous and it definitely worked; I went back to reread after the twist became clear! As for more effective descriptions, if you could include a little more while still holding the mystery, it might not be a bad idea. Perhaps bring the setting into it? It could make it even more humorous if you mentioned a time limit for one reason or another; it'd sound scandalous at first and then even more entertaining after the twist. The length was fine, but I do recommend going back to take a look at the grammar. You used largely formal grammar, so it'd be good to capitalize all of your Is, including the ones in the middle of your sentences. Also, check your dialogue; use quotation marks to show the different speakers. You should also add a comma after "Michael" and then another after "yes" in his response.
As for your last question, I feel like it was better not to go into the chicken's loneliness too much; it's probably best not to humanize it more after the twist is revealed.
All in all, good job! Keep up the good work!